


secrets, secrets, and more secrets

by edensthunderstorms



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Intelligence Unit as Family, Jay Halstead & Greg “Mouse” Gerwitz are Best Friends, Jay Halstead Needs A Hug, Jay Halstead Whump, Jay Halstead has Issues, Omega Jay Halstead, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26286991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edensthunderstorms/pseuds/edensthunderstorms
Summary: People assumed he was either an Alpha on suppressants, or Beta; and well, Jay wasn’t rushing to correct them. Eventually the lies began to pile up, and eventually it was just too hard to tell the truth, to trust his teammates with that side of him,or(Jay’s an omega. He hasn’t told the team. Until it gets forced out into the open.)
Relationships: Antonio Dawson & Jay Halstead, Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz & Jay Halstead, Jay Halstead & Erin Lindsay, Jay Halstead & Everyone, Jay Halstead & Intelligence Unit
Comments: 6
Kudos: 79





	secrets, secrets, and more secrets

**Author's Note:**

> please be kind and enjoy <3

Jay Halstead loved his job. Honestly he did. It was something that he looked forward to doing each day, and it was absolutely true that his life would fall apart if he had to quit; as shown by the whole Lonnie incident. 

However, what he did  _ not  _ enjoy, and there were  _ many  _ things, but one of them was certainly having to get up so early in the morning. 

He had never been a morning person, right from when he was a little kid; and it had only gotten worse since he came back from Afghanistan. He always  _ woke up  _ early of course, that was a habit he could never quite shake off; but he would always then proceed to be half-zombie like for the next 2 hours. 

Unfortunately, on top of having to come into work early for a case; he had woken with the  _ worst  _ headache, with him burying his face back into his pillow when his head started spinning. 

He could have called in sick, Voight would probably understand, but the case seemed important, and Jay was in the mood to have his co-workers worry. It always made the guilt of knowing that he was constantly lying to them, worse. 

Jay knows that his team wouldn’t judge him simply for being an omega, they have shown hundreds of times that they don’t care about that stuff; not to mention the fact that both Burgess and Antonio were omega’s themselves. 

But he can’t shake the fear that squeezes his chest everytime he almost slips up. There’s still that little part of him that remembers everything his dad said, that remembers his mother’s warnings.

So somehow, he manages to pull him out of bed, and into a decent pair of clothes _without_ emptying anything he ate last night onto the floor. 

He swipes some Tylenol on his way out, hoping that that should at least take edge of the headache; and the rapidly increasing heat on his skin.

  
  


_______

  
  


Unfortunately the Tylenol doesn’t really do anything for the headache, if anything it just gets worse, graduating from a full throb, to just waves of pain, making the heavy heat around his neck, and down his arms flare-up, making him squeeze his eyes shut momentarily.

His scent hopefully won’t give anything away, he knows if it does, everybody in the goddamn district will  _ smell  _ his “distress”, and he genuinely cannot think of anything more humiliating than that. 

He’s on heavy enough, long-term suppressants though, that nothing should change, and his scent-patch that gives off the scent of being a beta should still be working. 

There’s no reason anything should happen today, both personal and dynamic related. 

He still can’t shake the mounting dread inside of him. 

  
  


_______

That dread begins to make a lot more sense once he actually arrives at the district, sending a cocky grin in Platt’s distraction, laughing at how she rolls her eyes at him, and he heads up to the bullpen. 

There’s three pictures on the whiteboard, that’s what he notices first, two girls and a guy that look young enough that Jay has to avert his eyes, nodding at his co-workers as he walks, smiling at Erin. 

“Sarge.” Jay greets Voight, and somehow even talking makes his head throb, he immediately turns his eyes away to pay attention to the board, almost oblivious to the way Voight narrows his eyes in his direction, sharing a concentrated look with Alvin. 

“Right. We have a case, three bodies turned up behind some trees at the nearby beach, all three of them were omega’s; Lelia Page, Mary Robins, and Alex Neil; Patrol unit found them there earlier this morning..” Voight explains roughly, and Jay catches the look Voight sends to Antonio; Voight and Al tend to keep a closer eye on Antonio on cases like this. 

( _ And Jay refuses to acknowledge the swell of jealousy inside his chest; he can’t be jealous, he did this to himself. He chose to lie about his dynamic, and his past; and that’s just what he has to live with now. The Intelligence Unit is not pack, no matter how much he wishes it was. _

_ You can’t be pack with people you lie to on a daily basis.) _

It’s Erin that breaks the brief silence that falls over them, “Any signs of sexual assault?” 

“No. But we can’t rule out anything involving heats. Halstead, Erin, you guys go talk to the Pages, see what you can find out. Atwater, Antonio; you guys talk to the Robins, and Al and Ruzek; you guys talk to the Neils. Mouse I want you looking into anybody the victims may have been talking to.” 

Everyone responds with some assortment of confirmation, turning to head out. 

Jay  _ really  _ has a bad feeling about this case. 

  
  
  


_______

  
  


Jay is  _ slightly  _ regretting not just calling in sick, honestly anything would be better than sitting in an overly-heated car with Erin’s slightly obnoxious scent, with a headache that made his eyes feel like they were going to explode.

Okay, maybe that was a bit unfair to Erin, she was usually good at managing her scent, and even when she didn’t it wasn’t  _ obnoxious. _ Jay was just overly grumpy today, and everybody's scents made him want to tear his skin off.

“So, any ideas about this case?” Erin asks suddenly, jolting him out of his thoughts, he hadn’t even realised he’d begun to zone out. 

“Nothing stands out, for all we know it could just be a case of omegas going off with alpha’s in their heats. We’ll know when we speak to the parents.” Jay knows that his words must sound cold by the way Erin shoots him a both surprised, and mildly worried look. 

He isn't usually like this about these cases, but something wasn’t sitting right with him at the moment, he just didn’t know how to describe it. 

“Well, let’s just hope that the parents have more answers for us- yep here we are.” Erin cut herself off, pulling up out the front of the Page’s house, and Jay was once again struck by how  _ normal  _ a place could look, even in the aftermath of a tragedy; the world just keeps on turning. 

It’s something that got to him every case, everytime he had to look parents, and spouses in the eyes and tell them that somebody they loved was dead; it never got easier, Jay just got better at shutting that part of him off. 

“Hello? Mr and Mrs Page? It’s Chicago PD. We need to talk to you.” Jay tries to keep his voice level, the last thing he wants is to accidentally challenge a grieving Alpha; that would just lead to more harm than good. 

It's not long before somebody answers the door, and Erin and Jay are both greeted by a tall, light-haired Alpha that was  _ reeking  _ of challenge pheromones, and while it was perfectly understandable, he had just lost his daughter after all; Jay could see Erin shift next to him, trying to reign her own scent in; he was going to have to spend the drive back with a tense alpha, and partner.    
  
Neither of which was particularly enjoyable. 

Not to mention that the sudden influx in obnoxious alpha pheromones made Jay’s head throb for a moment, and he blinks rapidly to clear the black dots that have suddenly appeared in his vision, oblivious to the worried look Erin shoots his way. 

“Sorry to bother you, sir, I’m Detective Halstead, that's Detective Lindsay,” Jay began, shooting a wary look towards Erin, “we just need to ask a couple of questions about your daughter.” 

Mr Page stares up and down at them for a moment, seizing up whether or not they were threats. He apparently deemed them harmless, or as harmless as a cop can be when they have a gun in their belt; as he opens the door with a quiet “Come in.” 

“We are so sorry for your loss, Mr and Mrs Page; but we have to ask this. Was there anybody that could have taken advantage of your daughter? Any uh, Alpha’s or anything in the picture?” Erin questions after a moment, trying not to further upset the couple. 

“No! No of course not, Leila was a good girl, she didn’t go out with Alphas at all.” Mrs Page states, and Jay internally winces, he knew that that was never quite true, there was always somebody in the background. 

“Okay, anybody she would have wanted to be with for her heat?” 

“Leila, she uh, she didn’t have heats; so there was no chance for that sort of thing.” Mr Page pipes in, wrapping an arm around his wife comfortably. 

Jay and Erin share a look of concern, before Jay takes over the questioning, “What do you mean? We were under the impression she had presented as an omega…?” 

Mr and Mrs Page exchange a look in front of them, one that Erin and Jay don't miss. 

“She did, but she didn’t want to go through heats, she barely even wanted people to know she was an omega, so we had her on suppressants, since she presented.” 

“Leila never had a heat? Not even when she first presented?” The red flags Jay was seeing were definitely starting to get redder, you weren't supposed to be on suppressants for longer than a couple of years, and certainly not immediately after presenting. 

Jay also knew that he was treading on  _ very  _ dangerous, and hypocritical territory, especially considering he had been on suppressants for over 5 years, since even before the military, He never liked cases like this, it was unsteady ground, and the longer he was in Intelligence, the closer he came to slipping up. 

“No, we didn’t want to push her into something she was uncomfortable with.”    
  
“Right uh, can we have the name of the doctor she was seeing? That prescribed the suppressants?” They had a small chance that this may be the common thing between all three victims, the thing that could link this case together. 

Jay hopes it's going to be that easy. 

“Uh, Dr Richarson, he has a private clinic that we took her to.” 

  
“Thank you, we’ll be in touch.” Erin murmured after a moment, Jay nodding his head at her words, sending a hopefully comforting smile their way, before heading back to the car. 

  
  


_ __________ _ _   
_ _   
_ _   
  
_

“Sarge we got something small, but it could explain a lot.” Jay starts, walking into the bullpen, Erin hot on his heels.

“Lay it on me.”    
  
“We can probably rule out something to do with heats for Lelia Page at least; her parents say that she hadn’t even had a heat yet,” At Voights expectant look, he continues, ignoring the way his stare makes the back of Jay’s neck itch, “She’d been on suppressants since she presented, they obviously gave some-sort of instant-heat stop when she started presenting. So-”    
  
Everyone around them looks almost wide-eyed, except for Voight, who just looks contemplative. Regular heats are supposed to be healthy, the most people  _ usually  _ do is just suppress for up to a couple of years. Or if you’re military, then heats come few and far between; so it’s not strange for everybody to look so shocked, especially considering Leila was just a teenager. 

“Wait, Sarge, the Robins said something similar about their daughter, they had her on suppressants too.” Antonio spoke up after a moment, his tone sounding slightly strained, and Jay was suddenly reminded of Antonio’s rants about how ‘he hates to admit it, but semi-regular heats were  _ important  _ for an omega’s mental and physical health’ 

Jay is absolutely fucked if it ever gets out that he hasn’t had a heat since that one on the battlefield in Afghanistan. 

“Yeah, the Neils reported something similar.” Ruzek added after a pause, Al nodding behind him. 

“Hm.” Voight simply hummed, silently drawing conclusions in his head. Something that used to make Jay  _ incredibly  _ nervous, he hated not being able to know what people are thinking; now he just knows it's Voight’s way of processing things.

“Mouse did you get anything off the victims phones?” Voight suddenly asks, directing Jay’s attention over to his slightly nervous best friend, and the nervousness in his posture immediately puts Jay on edge. 

Mouse shoots him a barely-subtle look of worry before speaking, “Nothing much, they were mostly just normal teenagers.  _ Except,  _ all three of them had a mutual contact; a Dr Richardson” Mouse finishes awkwardly, and Jay feels his blood go  _ cold.  _

He  _ knows  _ that name, knows the man behind the name as well. The doctor was friends with Jay’s dad, and was the doctor that first started supplying him with suppressants at his father's orders as a teenager, and even when Jay was an adult. 

This case just went from bad to worse.

That explains Mouse’s nervousness at least, Jay remembered telling Mouse about the Doctor one day while blind-drunk and in the middle of a PTSD-filled breakdown. 

“-ay, Jay!” The sudden shout of his name jolts him out of the daze he hadn’t even realised he’d fallen into, and he’s a bit more than horrified to realise that everybody is staring at him.

  
“Huh, what, sorry?”    
  
“Halstead are you good?” Voight questions him, his gaze making Jay’s skin tingle uncomfortably, and sending a new wave of pain through his head that he barely resists the urge to throw up from. Voights gaze is genuinely worse than his father, the alpha and sergeant had the uncanny ability to make people  _ listen  _ with just a look. 

He also had the horrible ability to make you feel like he was looking at you and learning  _ everything.  _ And by the way his eyes had narrowed at Jay; the younger detective knew that he was standing on very shaky ground. 

“Yeah i'm fine, I was just thinking about something to do with the victims. Leila’s mother did mention that they took Leilia to a clinic and saw that Doctor, he was the one prescribing the suppressants.” It was a weak excuse, and Jay knew it, but it was also the best he could come up with right now. Nobody looked like they believed it, except maybe Ruzek, but nobody also pressured him about it, so he would just take the momentary peace before everything went to shit. 

“Right. This is probably our guy. Al, Ruzek, you guys bring him in for questioning, The rest of you, do some digging into this Doctor guy. I want to know  _ everything about him.”  _ Voight said after a moment, before turning and marching back into his office. 

  
Jay sunk down in his chair, willing his headache to start easing; it was just getting worse. Though now he didn’t know whether that was due to whatever was happening this morning, or the fact that everything was very rapidly falling apart around him, and he couldn’t stop it. 

The moment they brought Dr Richardson in for questioning, he would no-doubt recognise Jay, and depending on how trapped he felt; would likely spill Jay’s secrets out in front of his entire team. 

Jay tried to focus on the computer screen in front of him, blinking away the spots that danced in the corner of his vision, and steadily ignoring the barely-concealed concerned looks that the others were throwing his way. 

This  _ really  _ was not how he saw his day going. 

  
  


_________________

  
  
  


It was barely more than an hour before Al and Adam got back, but it felt like genuine  _ hours  _ for Jay, with every moment making him more and more nervous and restless, with him finding it gradually harder and harder to focus, and ignore the pounding in his head. 

But ‘alas, just as he was reaching his limit, in-strolled Al and Ruzek, Dr Richardson in tow, looking as faux-innocent as he usually did.    
  
Jay fought the urge to just slip under his desk, and make sure that Richardson didn’t see him; but that both would only raise flags among his co-workers, and delay the inevitable. 

Instead, he just locked down on all his emotions, buried them in the back of his mind for a later date, and tried to appear unaffected. There was still a chance he could salvage this. 

And then Dr Richardson caught Jay’s eye, and recognition flashed through them, followed by a sly, contemplative look appeared, one that immediately set Jay on edge enough that he barely heard Ruzek announce him, and Voight get up to interview him. 

And that was  _ good,  _ even if all the alphas in the room starting reeking of barely-concealed alpha pheromones as an intimidation technique; something that made annoyed Jay everytime-

_ (-He had to be annoyed by it, if he wasn’t annoyed, then he had to admit that the defensive alpha pheromones, were almost comforting, and he wasn’t about to do that today-) _ _   
_ _   
_ -but Richardson hadn’t said anything, and it was looking more and more like he wasn’t going to, that he was instead just going to keep that information for later; something that both made Jay more nervous, and was almost relieving. 

Thankfully, Richardson just let himself be led to the interrogation room with little fuss, something that surprised almost everybody in the room; usually suspects fought, and got defensive when brought in for questioning. Dr Richardsons calm, and settled mannerisms was putting most of them on edge, a feeling that none of them enjoyed feeling. 

Jay could only sigh as he watched the Doctor be led into the interview room, standing up with the rest of the team to go and watch as Voight and Al went in to interview the guy. 

  
  


_____________   
  
  
  


Jay  _ absolutely  _ should have known better than to think Richardson was going to keep his mouth shut, because barely 10 minutes into the conversation, just after Voight snaps something about how supplying omegas with suppressants for that long was  _ more  _ than illegal; Jay watched as Richardson flicked his eyes up briefly to the one-way glass that Jay was standing behind. 

Somehow he knew he was there, or maybe it was just an assumption, a lucky guess.    
  
Either way Jay was fucked. 

“You want to lecture me about the use of suppressants,  _ Detectives?”  _ Richardson started, malice heavy in his tone, and Jay felt what little hope he had left die away, Jay spares a glance towards his colleagues, and the confusion and irritation evident on their faces at Richardsons words, “You’re going to lecture me, when one of your dear Detectives has been using non-stop suppressants for  _ years. _ ”    
  
Jay barely resists the urge to sigh, loudly. Because Voight and Al both barely blink, the two of them trained not to react, but the rest of the team’s eyes had widened, looking around between Richardson, and the rest of them, silently asking the question of;  _ who?  _

They get their answer not even a minute later. 

“Don’t try and spread  _ bullshit,  _ about my detectives. Just tell us what you’ve been giving the omegas, and why.” 

“ _ Hi Jay! Miss me?”  _ Richardson calls out, glancing again at the glass that Jay and the others are standing behind. 

And this time Jay does visibly sigh as his teammates' heads swing round to stare at him, bewilderment and shock heavy in their gaze. 

“Jay?” Erin questions, squinting at him like he’s some sort of puzzle.

“What?”

“How does he know you? And what does he mean by suppressants. I thought you were a beta.” Erin sounds almost  _ hurt  _ at the apparent sight of Jay holding back something like that, and Jay feels the familiar swell of guilt he felt anytime he thought about telling the team.

“I don’t know. I’ve never met him before, he’s probably just saying shit because he knows we caught him.” The lie slips out easily, rolling off his tongue like water. Jay has always been a good liar, it was almost effortless at this point.

“Oh yeah, Jay and I go  _ way back.  _ Since he was a teenager. His daddy-dearest  _ hated  _ having an omega son, wanting him on suppressants. But you know...he never stopped taking them.” Richardson continues, and Jay watches as Voight and Al share a look, before turning back to the Doctor, attempting to steer the conversation back on track. 

But the damage has already been done, there’s no way Jay can escape this outcome now.

It hurts honestly, having his personal life aired out in front of his team like this. This was something he should have been allowed to tell them in his own time, something that likely would have been never. 

He feels the familiar swell of nausea in sitting in his throat, and he tucks his hands into his pockets to try and stop them from noticeably shaking. Memories of his father's harsh words, and tight grip feeling like phantom touches on his skin.

He makes a split second decision, knowing that he’s just confirmed his own doom, hurries out of the room with nothing more than a muttered “I need to piss.”, ignoring the calls for him to come back. 

He barely makes it into the bathroom before he’s expelling anything and everything he had eaten in the last few days, which in hindsight is not much. 

He presses his head back against the stall wall, relishing in the cold against his sweaty skin as he tries to calm the racing of his heart to a normal pace.

He hated everything about this, hated that they all  _ knew,  _ hated that he didn’t know how his was going to play out, and most of all; he hated that it wasn’t him that was able to tell them on his own-terms.

He doesn’t know how long he’s sitting there with his back against the wall, taking in gasps of air as he feels the familiar cold-sweat of anxiety, and the panic that was slowly grasping at him. 

He’s jolted out of his thoughts by a short, sharp knock on his door, “Jay? Buddy? You alright?” Antonio calls out, concern evident in his tone.

“I’m fine.” Jay calls out, wincing at how scratchy his voice sounds, knowing that Antonio is not going to buy his excuse for even a second.

“Uh-huh. Wanna try and tell me that again when you don’t sound like shit? Unlock the door.” 

“I’m tryna piss man. Go back to the bullpen.”

“Unlock the door, or so help me, I will climb my way in.”

The worst part is that Jay doesn’t even doubt that, it’s 100% something Antonio would do. 

Reaching his hand up, he shakily unlocks the door, allowing Antonio to slip in. It was a tight fit, two grown adults in one cubicle, but Antonio didn't say anything, just slunk down to sit on the cold, tiled floor, and stared at Jay. 

Jay in turn, just shuffled awkwardly, doing his best to avoid eye-contact with the older-detective. 

“So. You want to explain what happened in there?” 

“Not really.”

“Well tough. Start talking, because that was a  _ mess.”  _

Well, nobody could blame Jay for still trying to get out of the conversation. 

“What do you even want to know?” It's a shitty diversion technique, but any way of delaying the conversation was worth it. 

“Is it true? That you’re an omega?” Antonio questions immediately, trying to catch Jay’s eyes; and failing. 

“Mhm.” 

Jay can’t even begin to describe how uncomfortable this conversation was making him. He can count on one hand the number of times he’s willingly talked about his dynamic since he presented. It was just something he didn’t do. It wasn’t that he was ashamed, it’s just... the result of being raised in a household with his dad, and eventually hiding it just developed into a habit. 

People assumed he was either an Alpha on suppressants, or Beta; and well, Jay wasn’t rushing to correct them. And eventually the lies began to pile up, and eventually it was just too hard to tell the truth, to trust his teammates with that side of him, 

“Why hide it then? I never took you as somebody who bought into the omega stereotypes.” There’s an odd tilt to Antonio’s voice, one that makes Jay glance over at him, noticing how tense the fellow omega looked, and Jay felt his heart drop at the half-hidden look of insecurity in Antonios eyes.

It wasn’t common knowledge, but Intelligence all knew how much Antonio struggled with accepting his omega side, he was similar to Jay in the way that they both despised being vulnerable, and found it hard to trust people with their hearts. 

If he’s being honest, that was probably what enabled Jay to even consider answering-

_ (-It absolutely wasn’t that Jay had grown to consider Antonio like an-almost brother-) _ _   
_ _   
_ -Antonio’s question. 

“I don’t. I just,” Jay starts, trying to work out how to phrase this properly, “My dad never liked that I was an omega, was ashamed that I turned out to be an omega, while Will was an alpha. Dear old dad was very into the stereotype that omega’s should just be at home.” He eventually grits out, and he doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he feels Antonio press closer slightly, pressing their shoulders against each other. 

And Jay can’t even bring himself to deny how  _ nice  _ the contact feels after keeping himself that little bit separate from everybody, unable to let himself be close. But this was Antonio, and well; they were both sitting on the bathroom floor, Jay could allow a bit of contact. 

“Ah, I get that. But why couldn’t you trust us? Trust me at least? You had to know that we wouldn’t judge you.” Antonio sounds almost hurt, and it makes something inside of Jay ache. 

“Antonio, I don’t think you understand; I have  _ never  _ spoken about this to anybody since I presented, well anybody except for Mouse, and that was just because I got too drunk to keep myself shut. That and the time I went into heat in Afghanistan.” 

“ _ Oh.”  _

“Yeah, oh.” 

They sit in silence for a moment, Jay caught up in a whirlwind of emotions, and memories, and Antonio contemplating. 

“Was that the uh, last time you-?” Jay is  _ very  _ thankful that Antonio doesn’t finish that sentence, Jay’s not sure he could have handled that at the moment. 

“Yeah.”

  
  
“Dude, that's really not healthy, like at all.”    


  
“Trust me, I’m aware.” 

They both fade into silence after that, shoulders pressing closer as Antonio wraps an arm around Jay’s trembling shoulders, as Jay tries to get his emotions out of control. 

This was it, the secret was out, and Jay had no idea where to go from here. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is,,, my first time properly writing abo and it was Terrifying, but this concept has been sitting in my docs for days, and floating around my head for even longer so-   
> Please ignore any mistakes, I edited this at 3am and my brain is Mush lmao 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!!   
> tumblr: (@edensthunderstorms) 
> 
> and! here’s a link to a one chicago discord server if anyone wants to vibe! https://discord.gg/B9C3cH


End file.
